is a funny thing really. It hurts, it breaks, we follow it, and we say with all of it and we say to protect it. Well, tonight, my heart hurts. Not just a little but a deep deep hurt. Have you ever felt that? I want to run ,hide, sleep, and make it all go away. I pray that daily. Then I am reminded in the midst of that prayer that more than wanting this pain to go away I want God's will to do be done. I want God's way because it leads to life not my way. Let's be honest my way gets me nowhere. Actually my way just gets me into a bigger mess than I am already in.
I went to the High School group tonight. A friend of mine has been raving about the speaker and so I thought I would come and see what all the fuss is about. He was good! I really enjoyed him! He made me feel like I was sitting down with my Pastor having a cup of coffee and discussing life and looking at what the Bible had to say about it. I don't know, there was something really unique about him. Oh, did I mention that he is the PRESIDENT of Joshia Venture the Christian Organization that I am applying to be a 3 month missionary intern in the Czech Republic for? Yeah, Dave Patty! I get to meet him, no big deal =D Anyways, that's not the point! The point is that Dave talked about getting scammed tonight. He read from Genesis 3. You know, where Satan convinces Eve that she won't die if she eats the apple...yup she got scammed. We are all getting scammed by Satan. This made me think, " How have I been scammed in the past?" Well, when I asked this question of course if brought up A LOT of past and present pain all at once. I have been scammed by Satan in romantic relationships, in friendships, with school, work, family, daily simple life choices, my eating habits, work out habits, money, and so much more. I just haven't realized it. It is all because I choose to believe that Satan's way was better than God's way. I didn't think that at the time but now that I look back on it I can clearly see that.
When I think about these things my heart hurts and I am saddened. I have lost so much and so much has been damaged because of these scams. I asked myself tonight " How do I get back what has been taken from me?" You know what came to my mind immediately? THE CROSS! That's how I get back everything that was taken from me...the cross and recognizing that at the foot of the cross lies great hope and salvation. That at the foot of the cross is the blood that washes me clean and redeems me. So, yeah, things have been taken from me and because I believe these lies and got scammed I have made some bad and sinful choices. But at the foot of the cross there is forgiveness. God sent his son to die on the cross and pay the ultimate penalty for our sins. So, because of that I am able to take back what was stolen from me. Now, I know that I can wake up tomorrow with new mercies. Will my heart still hurt? Yeah, but only because I am healing from the aftermath of the scams and the trying to do it my way thing. Will the pain go away right away? Probably not. But you know what? That's okay, because I have a God who is willing to forgive me for believing lies over His truth and a God who is willing to walk with me hand in hand, and sometimes even carry me, through the mess and the pain that I have created.