Wait Patiently...

{I was in need of some small reminders today.}

{I am a very impatient person.}

{Especially when I really want something.}

Remeber that last blog....

...that I wrote and I was talking about my purpose for now was to be Jesus to those two specific people in my life that my heart was breaking for? Well I ask one of them to dinner so I could talk with her and get to know her. Let me just tell you something... WALLS CAME DOWN! I shared my heart with her and how I long for her to know Jesus the way I do and to enjoy all the blessings he has to offer. She told me some of her story and shared with my why she doesn't follow Jesus.

I left dinner in tears. My heart was breaking for her. SHE KNOWS THE TRUTH, she choose not to believe it and follow it. We are gonna hang out more and build our relationship. Seeds are being planted. It is just time to allow the Lord to root them and grow them if he wills.

PLEASE KEEP PRAYING FOR ME AND THIS PERSON....Let's call her Mary{I'm not using real names for the sake of her privacy}.


That's all for now!

Purpose

There is this girl. Her name is Megan Fate Marshman. Some of you may know her as "Spirit Girl" from Hume Lake. This morning I felt an urge, well more like a craving to listen to a seminar she did last year for camp. I knew I was gonna be in for a few good stories and a lot of laughs. But I was not expecting the words that God gave this girls to do to me what I have been praying about for a long time. I was not expecting it to answer prayers . Go ahead, listen to it. It's about a half hour long but probably one of the best way you can spend your half hour right now! :D

http://cast.humemedia.com/itunes/2011/2011-ponderosa-week-6/20110720-megan-fate-marshman-wed-sem.mp3

Did you listen to it? I hope you did!  

 I listened to it this morning and God just used it to give me the PERSPECTIVE change I know I have been needing. THE GOSPEL! How does it affect me daily? Does it affect me daily? This is the greatest story of all time and do I just let go in one ear and out the other every time with out affecting me in some way.  

SOMEONE DIED FOR ME!!! SOMEONE DIED FOR YOU!!!!

How does that not affect me daily? As Megan spoke I realized I am a lot like her. I too am a people pleaser. I worry if people will like me or not. I worry if people will accept me or not. With being a people pleaser I always feel the need to be happy and to be out there with people doing things because it is for my popularity and for people knowing me. The more things I do the more people I will know. If I do this or if I do that it will make me cool and people will like me more. I have been living for people. Honestly, I'm 23 and I still struggle with what people think of me. I need to be concerned with what JESUS thinks of me. But, is Jesus enough for me? Do I let Him be enough for me in my life? I want to. I try. But it doesn't happen daily. I need to be concerned about His business and His people and a whole heck of a lot less worried about my own business and my own pleasures.

The Gospel can change lives. People know who Jesus is but they don't really KNOW who He is and what He is about. He is about changing lives! I wonder what my life would look like if I cared enough about His people and His Business to talk to His people about who He is? Ask people their stories, ask them if they know Jesus.

All this running through my mind made me come to this conclusion. Since being home from Czech {yes I know I talk about Czech a lot but whatever} I have been looking for my purpose. What God wants me to do while I am home. I was thinking it was going to be something big and amazing{I still have big dreams and want to do big things for God but that's all for a different post}. Here is the simple truth about my purpose of being home. There are two people who I know and love. I love these people with all my heart. My heart breaks for them because Jesus is not evident in their lives. I want them to love Jesus as much as I do. I want them to have a relationship with Him like I do.  But, the hard honest truth is they aren't there. My PURPOSE here right now... Be Jesus to them. Ask them to share their stories with me, ask them if they do know Jesus.

Pray for me as I start to do this!

{ I'll keep you all post}

Let's be honest...

...girls are a little crazy. Okay, some are a lot crazy. I am admitting this to you because I was driving the kids at work to school today and this Relient K song came on. Here listen to it in the video. But my cousin Abigail and I use to always listen to this song and make fun of it because we are both emotional people, sorry Abigail, and thought "Hey, if we just had mood rings it could be a warning to people!"  Then today it hit me that sometimes I don't even know what kind of a mood I am in. Not that a mood ring would help or anything. That can be frustrating. Sometimes I can cry at a drop of a hat and the next second I'm okay. I am totally aware of this! This song always makes me laugh because it makes me wonder " Huh, I bet if all girls wore mood rings it would totally help out the guys in our life. Because when they ask us what is wrong or how we are doing 1) They can tell if we are lying 2) They can just look at the ring and know." Such a silly thought I know. 

       But, check this out. There is this greater being. I think some of you know Him. His name is God. There is this book that He had other people write. It's called the Bible. In one of the books inside this book is called Psalms. I was reading it a few weeks ago when I felt like I couldn't figure out why I kept having overwhelming thought about life, relationships, what was next and you know all those " BIG LIFE QUESTIONS" that we have as college students and couldn't get a grip on my mood and why I was feeling the way I was.

** Side note: I didn't think that growing up was going to be this complicated. I thought it was much more galmours when I was a kid. I'm learning that is not always true and sometime I wish I was kid again**

     Anyways, right at the beginning of Psalms 139 it says " O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar." First of all there is excitement in David's voice. He is excited and over joyed that the Lord has searched his heart and that the Lord knows him. The Lord knows every aspect of him! What?! The God of the universe knows me! Fully knows me! Blows my mind. Which also means He knows what kind of moods I am in and why I am in them even if I don't know why. Yes, half of the time I am not sure why I am in the mood that I am in.  That second part of the verse is what I love " ... you discern my thoughts from afar." The God of the universe knows my thoughts. He knows where they stem from and He knows why I am thinking what I am think even when I don't. That includes my moods. I don't know about you but that brings me a lot of comfort to know that even thought I may have no idea where these thoughts are coming from or where this mood is coming from God knows and He understands. On top of that I have someone to turn to find comfort and find peace in those moments and times when I can't even explain what I am thinking or feeling. God, He already knows and I don't have to say a word. I can just rest in His arms.

     So let's be honest. Even though girls can be crazy with moods and sometimes you think that a mood ring will help. They won't! I honestly don't even think they work at all...but good to know that there is a God who still loves us crazy moody girls. =D

One Month Ago...

I stepped off a what seemed liked a never ending flight onto the grounds of LAX. I cried with every inch of the descent. I didn't it to be over but it was. I was back home in American and yet all I could think about was what the Lord was doing in the Czech Republic.

I spent 17 days doing the work of the Lord. Those are 17 days that I will never forget. 17 days that changed my life forever. Students learned some English, made some new lifetime friends, and heard about Jesus. The funny thing though, yeah their lives were changed, Jesus used them changed my life more than they will ever know. Now, being back home I am in heavyhearted season. I don't know what the Lord has for me next and I am such an impatient person that I just wanted to know what it is now. But the more I sit around wondering and stressing about what is next to come I might miss what Jesus has for me now!

I was on the Josiah Venture website, that was the organization we partnered with while we were in Czech, and I read a posting by Dave Patty who is the president of JV. It was titled Making This Year Count For Eternity. As I read it I wondered " What am I doing to make this season in my life count for eternity?" It doesn't have to be a big thing it could be something as simple as having conversations with people at work about who Jesus is or inviting them to come to church with me. There is so much that I can still be doing right here right now that will count for eternity and to further God's kingdom that by sitting here wait and wondering I might miss those opportunities.

This season will eventually be over and I will see brighter days. In every season He is still God and I still have a reason to worship and I still have a reason to make this time now count for eternity. If you are reading this and you want to pray for me pray that I doing things that count for eternity and that as the end of this season I will be more like me creator. Also, pray for the Czech students who we meet. That they will continue to grow closer to the Lord and that the leaders there in Czech will have wisdom and strength to be there for the students and walk with them.

Here is the link to the JV article I was reading.

http://www.josiahventure.com/blog/making-this-year-count-for-eternity/

Find your purpose and pursue your passions...

Well, it has been almost two years since my last post. What has come of those two years. I look at it quickly and say nothing. I got my AA, dated someone, broke-up with some, got a new job, and went to the Czech Republic and that is about it. That is just at a glance. You know, the materialistic apperance of what has come of my life over the last two years.

But what has really come of these last two years are HUGE lessons that our Almighty God has taught me. Just take a minute and think about some of the lessons He has taught you over these last couple of months and praise Him for that. Thanks Him for what He is doing in your life. In my life He has shown me how discontent I am with having a Beige Life style. That's what my college pastor Ron Merrell would call it. A life that is lukewarm. A life style where you just settle for less then what you deserve and what you were designed for. A boring life style. Now, here me when I say this. Some people were designed to work a 9-5 job and have 2.5 kids and live the American Dream. That is not me. I do not desire those things. Yes, eventually I want kids and I want to get married. But, I know that my life is going to be anything but Beige.

Almost a month ago a step off a plane in LAX with tears filling my eyes. I had just experienced the BEST 3 weeks of my life in the Czech Republic. This was like no other trip I had been on. My heart was captured, my eyes were opened, the flame had been re-sparked, and all I could think about was discontent I was with my life here is California. Those 3 weeks is Czech where the farthest thing from Beige. They were colorful vibrant. I was doing the things that God had not only designed me for but gave me a passion for. My passions consist of this( this is in no specific order):

*Camp Ministires
*Teaching
*Learning new cultures
*Loving people like Jesus does
*Students
*Ministry
* Being apart of the bigger picture

That's a lot I know. But these are things that God reminded me of. The past 4 years I had been living a Beige life. I don't want to live that anymore. But for now I am in a waiting period. I am trying to figure out what my purpose is. God has a something for me here and now in Santa Clarita, California. At my job Sunshine Day Camps. Here with my family. I'm in pursuit of that purpose and I am in pursuit of the passions listed above. I have a good God, you have a good God. A God who will never fail us and never leave us in the dark. Right now I am in the midst of a storm. It is raining and there is thunder and lighting and it a bit dark. But praise be to God that my favorite smell is the smell after the rain. It is going to be a sweet sweet smell!

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The Real World: Santa Clarita

O.E. has been over for almost three weeks. That's super crazy considering we had four weeks of camp. Wow, time flies super fast. Well, O.E. ended very well. I was very excited for it to end because I knew that things back here at home would be crazy, and exciting, and fun, and that there would be so much to do.
I learned so much this season at O.E. I learned how to live with people who are tough to live with. I learned alot about myself and how God is changing my heart to desire specific things. I use to think that I was this girl who was never going to desire a relationship or anything like that. Over the past couple months God has changed my heart and I can't wait to start a family and be married and all those things. I learned that 5th and 6th graders are my favorite age group. I have learned that I like teaching and I am now on the pursing my Liberal Studies Degree. But, I learned a lot about my God. He wants to here specific prayers from me. He already knows my heart so why hold anything back from Him. He is faithful to provide and he is forever sustaining.
O.E. was great. I miss a few of the people, and I miss working with people and having a program job, and I miss teaching by the lake. God blessed me with that time and now I'm back here in the "real world" off the mountain.


This is by my favorite cabin of girls that I had had all season long. I spent a lot of time with them getting to know them and having fun with them. I actually just talk to a few of them the other day!

___________

Now, I'm back in Santa Clarita getting my life started up again. It's been quit the adventure. I got a job in less than 24hrs of applying for it. I am an official Starbucks partner now. This has been kind of overwhelming because there is so much to learn and with the Holidays just around the corner things are about to really busy. Plus, I work at the one at our mall and well we all know how those holiday shoppers can be! But, I have no doubt in my mind that this is where God has me and that he is going to use me there. My consistent prayer is that I am a light to all the employees and every person that walks through that door of our store. So , I know that this alone is going to be a great challegen and a great adventure. I have been there for about a week and already feel alittle bit overwhelmed but I know that as the weeks go on and I start to get the hang of everything it will all just become second nature to me.
I started back up at our College Group. I came back at the perfect time to. Ron Merrell is our new College Pastor and he is amazing. He was the Junior High Pastor when I was interning at Grace and now he is the new College Pastor. It has been amazing to sit under his teaching. God has just blessed up college students with an amazing pastor. I also have just joined a small group. I haven't been apart of a small group since my sophmore year of high school. So I'm really excited to have a place where I can has sister to talk to and be encourage by and to encourage and be accountable to. Myself and a few of these girl are going on a road trip in about a week to Poratland, Seattle and Coeur d'Alene. So needless to say I have been very busy. I'm definitely enjoying life off the hill. I know that this is join to be a big year and I am looking forward to the things that God has in store.


><> Jackie